I keep dreaming about losing my teeth. I wonder what that means.
I am a little bit sick of myself. It happens.
Doin alright.

last year:



this year:





life takes you really strange places.  my head has been super clear this past week. KICKIN

rexnutting (4:02:32 PM): you have to suffer if you wanna play the blues

i've become very negative and i don't like it.

William Clayton Nutting
1918 ~ 2008

Surrounded by his loving family, William Clayton Nutting died on Feb. 16, of congestive heart failure, two days before his 90th birthday.Bill was a professor of education at the University of Utah for 37 years and taught hundreds of teachers in Utah, Idaho, California, Oregon, and Africa during his long career as an educator. Bill was married to his sweetheart, Gwendlyn Jones Nutting, for 64 years. He first saw Gwen in the homecoming skit and said, "That's the girl I'm going to marry". Even a war couldn't separate them. They married Aug. 6, 1943, in Salt Lake City, and set up housekeeping in a trailer at Wendover Air Base. Bill was a joyful man, ready to burst into song with his own lyrics. He was always whistling, humming or playing a spoon. He enjoyed making up his own vocabulary. He was an artist and was active in theater in his college years. Bill was born on Feb. 18, 1918, to William Swift Nutting and Ethel Griffith Nutting in Rupert, Idaho. He was the seventh of eight children. He attended public schools in Rupert. He worked from an early age on the farm and put himself through college. Life wasn't easy during his youth, which shaped his hard-working, thrifty, stubborn, and compassionate character. He was a man of great integrity. Bill earned his elementary teacher's certificate at Albion State Normal School in Albion, Idaho, in 1940. His first teaching job was in a one room schoolhouse in Power County, Idaho. Bill served in the U.S. Army Air Corps during World War II, as a bombardier instructor and bombsight officer. He retired as a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Air Force Reserves in 1968. He earned his A.B. degree from Colorado State College of Education in 1947 and his M.A. from the same school in 1948. He earned his Ed.D. from the University of Oregon in 1950. Bill came to the University of Utah in 1952 and retired in 1988. He taught in Liberia for two years in the late 1950s on a U.S. government contract, and taught at Haile Selassie I University in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, for two years in the mid 1960s. He was tolerant of everyone except self-important fools. While at the university, he was outspoken in defense of academic freedom and rational thought. He championed the underdog and had a healthy distrust of authority, telling university presidents that he considered himself an old-timer at the U, which he defined as someone who remembered when the U had more janitors than vice presidents. He published a textbook, "Designing Classroom Spontaneity: Case-Action Learning," in 1973, incorporating his philosophy that children are naturally curious and that learning is fun. After his retirement, Bill was active in the University Emerti Association. Bill was a loving husband, father, son, brother, uncle, and grandfather.
Published in the Salt Lake Tribune from 2/17/2008 - 2/19/2008.



I am taking a week off of school, and I am going to see my dad and my whole family. I have cried so much in the past twenty four hours, but I think that ultimately, dying at the age of 90, surrounded by your children, after a purposeful, adventurous, fun life is one of the best ways I can think of to go. I really love my grandpa, but I feel kind of bad that I can't think of any specific stories or anecdotes about him, just incoherent images, like him playing the harmonica, or the way his cheeks felt and how called margerine "marger-darger," and how he had African instruments in the basement, drums and strings and masks and low wooden stools. He had a penant collection, flags from universities all over the world. Last Christmas when we visited, he and my grandmother asked us to go through the basement and mark the things we wanted. I think I asked for some pope cleaner musicians he made, and an ancient copy of Richard Wright's 'Black Boy.' I already have his face shape, his singing voice, his rebelliousness, his thriftiness, and, I hope, his tolerance. I think sometimes I have his formality, too. My mother and I got the call from my dad yesterday around noon, standing in the courtyard of the Church of Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, possibly one of the most poignant symbols of hope, death and love in the world. I lit a candle for my grandfather right beneath the spot where Christ is said to have died. My grandfather didn't believe in Christ, and I don't think I do either, and my mother was standing behind me going "Are you lighting a candle for grandpa? Are you lighting a candle for grandpa?", and I've always thought it was odd that she calls him 'grandpa,' when he isn't her grandfather at all. She calls her own mother 'sittu,' Arabic for 'grandmother.' I don't think I will ever do that. To her, he should be Bill, shouldn't he? Even though I'm dreading spending 26 hours on a plane, more time alone with my mother (and I have a cold!) I am kind of looking forward to this: he was a wonderful man and I will miss him and I'm sorry I couldn't hear him whistlilng in the next room one last time, but I'm glad that my family is looking at this as an opportunity to remember him and celebrate him , rather than mourn him, wearing armbands of black cloth. Right on, Nuttings, right on.

Current Mood: sick

Dear Fans Livejournal Friends,


I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain
some of the things that I have been faced with recently.

ี้It's so funny how many stories are put out there about people.
It's like we all want our side of the story out there as well,
but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what
is really going on since the bad is always so much more
interesting than the truth. I don't know why, but this is so
weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing
horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to
what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on
her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain
image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really
care what other people think or we wouldn't be here.



Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab.
I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol
or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had
a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and
my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I
was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how
much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it
was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself,
and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.


This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the
world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that
vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and
finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson
for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into
my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another
person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when
I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of
my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person...it is me.
When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my
family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just
like a little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I
want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face
a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of
insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we
are never good enough.



I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not
and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the
reason for this letter...to maybe allow people to look at me
differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what
you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people
just say you are a "bitch."


I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues
than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to
use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be
in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for
a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger
issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I
do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday,
and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or
Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still
loving me.


I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep.
I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is so surreal.
Life in general is so surreal and crazy. I just hope this letter made some
of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from.
I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy.
It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me
and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told.
There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out.
I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely.
That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him...or her.



Love, Britney Madeleine

it's just starting to hit me that i am MOVING away to another country in TWO weeks. I haven't begun packing. i haven't really begun saying goodbye. there are so many people that i will probably never see again. i don't even know the kids i will be celebrating my eighteenth birthday with yet.  shit son. i haven't told most of my teachers that i'm going yet.


things to do:
1-learn arabic
2-find out what smoking age is in jordan
                   2a-over 17? figure out a plan
                           i -smuggle cartons of marlboro lights through security? without my mom knowing? this is a   stupid plan and i can   probaby find someone to buy them for me there
                           ii-fuck it and quit
                                     -i don't want the crazies
3-find out drinking age is in jordan
                 3a-i bet it's 11, this is going to be sweet
4-smoke shisha every day
5-make out with a few boys before i go
                   5a-there are two arabs in the running, my sittu would be so proud
6-make out with a few boys when i get there, but don't let them see anything but my eyes
                   6a-there is a country worth of arab boys in the running, my sittu would be horrified
7-prevent my mother from converting to islam
                   7a-she already bought a hijab
8-e-stalk my new classmates (i will probably be celebrating my 18th birthday alone.)
                   8-they like jack johnson a lot :[
9-i'm a genie in a bottle, baby, come come come on and let me out
10-figure out how to apply to college from other countries if you are a US citizen


GREAT THIS IS SO EXCITING WOOO

i will never understand why i'm not more attractive.

Religion is for dumb people who don’t sweat the details, but if you have to choose why not go for one of those Southeast Asian ones where you get to dress like a banana king and live till you’re 100 years old?

i am really easy to manipulate, it's disgusting. grow a spine, girl!